One Sentence and a Sandwich or Two
by Rockstar with a Vendetta
Summary: One-Shot. A series of unrelated events are each told in one sentence. Primarily features Keladry of Mindelan, sandwiches, innuendos, various pairings, and weird situations. Written for One Sentence Week. - Includes BONUS Sentences! M for safety.


**To clarify, Goldenlake Forums had a fic drive in which we could post any story we wanted - with the exception being it could only be a sentence long. The first nineteen I submitted there, and the week ended before I could submit the last nineteen.**

**Beware: Some are funny, some are cute, some are sad, and some are outright dirty ;)**

**

* * *

**

**Flexible - R**

_I never knew she was this flexible_, Wyldon marveled as he tossed one of Kel's legs over his shoulder and shoved the other one to the side, _so I guess those barbaric glaive exercises are good for something_.

**What Did You Say? - PG-13**

When Duke Baird said it appeared Kel had contracted herpes, she thought he said she had been _shafted by a harpy_ and was shocked he knew about her affair with Jonathan.

**Namesakes - G**

When Yuki goes into labor with their first child, Neal swears he will name her Nealukidry for his favorite women (plus his own modest self); luckily, Kel managed to persuade him to name him Emrys.

**Bad Man - PG-13**

"I may have already mentioned this, sir," she murmured as he deftly unlaced the ties of her breeches, "but you are a bad man."

**That Mindelan Girl - PG**

Cleon's mother thought she had put an end to this nonsense with that _Mindelan girl_, until the lady hears from palace gossip that she was discovered in his bed - with his wife.

**Precious - G**

When Kel returned from the front lines, battle-hardened and weary but _alive_, Neal's only regret was that he could never fully express just how precious she was to him.

**All in the Family - PG-13**

"Well," a rather naked Faleron said to a rather naked Kel as they both glanced over at a rather naked Merric still sleeping on her other side, "at least you keep it in the family."

**What's a Sandwich, Dear? - PG**

The lord and lady of Aminar aren't exactly sure what to think of their daughter being involved in a—what was it called?—a _Mindelan sandwich_?

**Tell Your Mistress - PG**

"I don't care that you bring Lady Keladry to Cavall on occasion," Vivenne said tersely to her sheepish husband, "but will you kindly tell her to stop leaving her armor in our bed?"

**Men in Uniform - PG**

Evin Larse had prepared for the unexpected with Lady Knight Keladry, but it still came as a shock when he learned two things: that she dyes her underthings pink and that she seems more enthusiastic when he wears his commander's uniform - complete with badges - to bed with her.

**Charmer - G**

Neal was not amused when Peachblossom benignly nibbled at a delighted Yuki's sleeve; that lady-charmer wasn't going to fool _him_.

**That's a Lot of Sandwiches - PG**

"Wait," Merric said slowly, eyeing Cleon, Seaver, Zahir, Dom, Lerant, Roald, Shinkokami, Alanna, Wyldon, Esmond, Numair, Raoul, Thayet, Daine, Owen, and Duke Gareth the Elder, "what do you mean you've _all_ had a Mindelan sandwich?"

**Unfunny Friends - G**

Thayet laughed until she couldn't stand anymore, but Jonathan was not amused when he woke up _shrieking_ at midnight on his forty-fifth birthday as Raoul's wavering, mysterious voice called out, "Jonathaaan - I'm going to eat your braaains!"

**Naxen Humor - PG**

"What's better than throwing a baby off a bridge?" Gary slurred, a bit too far in his cups, and without waiting for a response, he giggled, "Catching it with a pitchfork!"

**Equations - PG**

Faleron learned more math from Kel than any instructor ever taught him: subtract clothes, add a bed, divide the legs, and hope to gods multiplication will never be a part of the equation.

**How to Make a Sandwich - PG-13**

"No, Merric, you put that there—okay—and then Faleron, you get here, spread it like this—right, good—careful, that's too much—ouch, Merric, watch where you put that thing!—really, boys, haven't you ever made a sandwich before?"

**Neglected - PG**

Neal wasn't quite sure which was more unsettling: hearing his friends enthuse about Mindelan sandwiches or realizing he was the only one who had yet to partake in one.

**Testament - PG**

Seaver had known from the beginning that he was head over heels for her, but he hadn't known that Kel felt just as strongly about him; she was even willing to give up sandwiches for him.

**Burned - G**

He was not a raging fire, but his gentle kisses and Bazhir eyes burned her all the same.

**Misplaced Possessions - PG**

"Before you ask, I'm not entirely sure how her griffin band ended up _there_, but suffice it to say it was an interesting night."

**Carthak's Darling - G**

The newly-arrived Lady Saraiyu may be a beautiful woman, but to most of Carthak she does not hold a candle to their bold and precious Empress.

**Denial - G**

Coram accepted the news with proper grief, but later, when he was alone, he punched the wall as hard as he could; it did nothing to ease the pain in his heart that Thom's death brought.

**Failing in Duty - G**

"You already gave me a son," Roald whispered into Lianne's hair as she wept for their stillborn, "but I would have loved you even if you didn't give me any at all."

**A Roll in the Hay - PG**

After the last couple conversations with Peachblossom, Daine wasn't so sure she wanted to keep talking to him; she wasn't particularly fond of hearing about his master's odd rolls in the hay with the blue-eyed stallion.

**Tea Parties - PG**

"I never thought I'd say this, but that was just too much naked," Neal told Cleon, and they both shuddered; neither of them could quite banish the image of what their wives referred to as a "tea party in Kel's rooms."

**No More Vegetables (Hopefully) - G**

The only could thing about this, Neal reflected as he eyed his new knight-mistress warily, was that she didn't seem the type to make him eat his cursed vegetables.

**The Stuff of Legends - PG**

Kel wasn't entirely sure why they started calling Mindelan sandwiches "heroes," but she figured it was a compliment all the same.

**The Best of Friends - G**

It was easy to forget that Sarai had only one son as she fondly watched her young Mequen chase Prince Binur around the gardens, and as she traded smiles with Empress Kalasin, she knew she was not alone in this sentiment.

**Potential - G**

The Goddess was quite content with her current Chosen--and she had several, though none so beautiful to her as her small, fiery Daughter--but it was with regret that she passed over the newest addition to that interesting Tortallan fief of Mindelan.

**Interesting Acquaintances - PG**

"We've met," Ermelian said slyly when Cleon introduced her to his friends, and Kel raised an impish eyebrow at her.

**Emperor - G**

While Kaddar had been Emperor of Carthak for several years now, he felt that, as he gazed upon his beautiful wife with her sapphire eyes and their newborn perfect son, his reign had just begun.

**A Hero's Mention - G**

"You were named for the best knights Tortall has ever seen," Keladry sternly told her young sons, Raoul and Wyldon, "and don't let anyone tell you that they died anything less than a hero's death."

**Raw - G**

Coram thought his heart would break in a sorrow too vast to measure as he watched little Alianne squeal and chase her twin brother through the Trebond gardens; even Rispah couldn't soothe the tender wound that ached to ruffle Thom's red curls one last time.

**Odd Nicknames - PG-13**

Now Kel understood why they called him "Faleron King's Reach-Around."

**He Just Popped Out of a Pipe, I Swear! - G**

"I don't know what he wants," Lerant cried in frustration, "because all he keeps saying is 'It's a-me, Mario!'"

**The Correct Sandwich Terminology - PG**

"I know you're king and all," Kel said in annoyance, wrapping the sheet around herself, "but for the last time, it's a Mindelan sandwich - not a Conte sandwich!"

**Too Many Babies - G**

Baird shook his head in disgust as he moved his son's prone body out of the way; he just sighed and supposed Keladry and Yukimi's simultaneous labor was too much for him.

**Pest Control - PG**

"Don't ask how I got them," Faleron said in a low voice as Neal eyed it wearily, "just make them go away."

* * *

**It was so much fun writing these! I hope you liked them :D**


End file.
